nicole, mon

I like movies, music, beer, words, science, tech, sarcasm, and ambiguity.

21 Things Ambitious Women Are Tired Of Hearing »

I don’t typically post Buzzfeed links or muse on feminism because my actions are enough for me and I don’t have anything to prove to anyone but myself, but I will today. Also, I love the gif of Audrey Horne saluting us.

I’m a strong, independent woman and when I was younger I have been mistaken for black, and I don’t need nohmygodI’msolonelypleasedateme (except no because I have other things I want to do before I have to deal with someone else’s feelings (aside from friends and family because that’s just how it is, y’know)).

Feeling this way as I prepare for GHC, and just being in a male-dominated major. Which I have mixed feelings about, but that’s a discussion for another day that won’t happen here. If you want to talk about that, ask me in person. Except I’m totally about to explain myself right now.

Really it just boils down to the conflict of simultaneously seeking equality and celebrating/rewarding being a minority, because double standards are a thing and they’re here to stay! I love that there is a tech conference celebrating women, and I recognize that girls have to compete with boys in the industry, but the boys have to compete with the boys, too, and sometimes that’s ignored in favor of the girls. Like, we say we want equality but we also want brownie points for being a girl?

But I do understand - the purpose of promoting and encouraging the idea of women becoming part of something traditionally considered “boys’ clubs” is that, historically, women aren’t offered the same opportunities as men. Also, the idea that women have to “act” like men in order to be in the boys’ club, but that’s stupid because if you identify as a woman, then you should live as a woman, and if you don’t, then don’t, and if you happen to be tomboyish, then that’s fine, too. 

And please don’t misconstrue this - I’m not bashing feminism nor do I claim to speak for everyone (or even anyone other than myself) - I’m just confused. Because I like that I’m a minority, but sometimes I wonder if I’m being measured against the same standards as everyone else or and if the fact that I’m a woman makes me special.

Most of the companies that have asked me to apply for internships through GHC tell me to specify “diversity event - GHC” as a referral source. Are you saying you’re only interested because you have a diversity quota, or do you really think I’m a “good fit” for your company? And I don’t know how to feel about the fact that I’m glad that being a minority is, in this instance, an advantage, when I want to be sought after because I actually am good. So I try not to think about it.

I might be over-empathetic because I try so hard to understand all possible motivations and I just get confused about what’s appropriate and I forget what I’m trying to say or if I’m trying to say thing at all.

That’s why I don’t like labels. Because they come with definitions but it’s impossible to apply a single definition to multiple things even if they’re the same type, there are variables that need to be considered (haha, I could extend this into a programming metaphor but I don’t have time for that so I’ll just bold some key terms).

So that’s what has been on my mind lately, and I’m probably too cynical to ever resolve this in my mind, but there. It’s been said.

The only sure thing, though…

This is the most I’ll ever say on Tumblr because I usually can’t take Tumblr seriously, but obviously I’m not being usual today.

Grace Hopper Celebration 2014
Excited - thanks, UTD CS department!

Grace Hopper Celebration 2014

Excited - thanks, UTD CS department!

I want to get another monitor. In theory, it is so I could have a second monitor in in both my bedroom and the cave (the extra bedroom where I have my desk set up), but I know I’ll eventually make it into a single three-monitor battle station. Then I’ll want that in all the rooms. And a subwoofer in each room. Then where will it end? I should just wait and get a studio apartment.